..bright with despair..

I held a fallen star and it wept for me, dying.

looking for a distraction...
pushing daisies
I am intimidated by gyms, hate walking outside because of the weather and dog poop and people watching you, and I want minimal instruction. I also dont want to feel dead at the end of a workout or pull muscles I didnt know I had. So I have found the holy grail of workout tapes for me. I am obsessed with Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds videos. Seriously, it has changed my life. I should be on the testimonials. I feel like putting one foot in front of the other has cured just about every ailment ever. I feel more energy, less depressed at any time, and totally toned in a matter of weeks. It makes your metabolism work harder all day long and I only do 30 minutes a day 3 times a week. All you do is walk in front of your T.V. (and in my case a high powered fan) and follow her cute little Italian butt with, like 3 easy moves like walk, kick, side step. I may be in swimwear next summer. It doesnt cure my problem of being really white or having backne though...mep.

In other news, I am in school and I heart online classes. I am done with one class, which I started two weeks ago and on my way to finshing two others early. I have an actual in-school class that is going good as well. I don't know the Microsoft Office programs well enough, so I'm learning Access databases and Excel spreadsheets and stuff working towards my certificate in Office Technician. Its gonna be supersweet..I havent really great goals to work towards in a while because I just wanted to work my way towards living a normal and somewhat healthy life and now that I've been doing so-everything falls into place.

Work is good, although the furlough days and subsequent pay cuts are getting wickity-wack. Yes, I just said wickity-wack. My boss is kind of insane and annoying...heres hoping she'll retire soon. Lord knows shes old enough to. At least we got an infusion of rather hot, young officers, which is rare in these parts. Were the 'retirement community office' for officers.
And, since I have a wonderful, hilarious, loving, boyfriend its a good thing they are all married with children and I can just enjoy eye candy occassionally. Hopefully my years-in-the making divorce will finally go through so I can do it right this time.

Reno was awesome this year, thanks to it being not-so hot August Nights and extra family and friends coming up to our annual shindig. Never stay at the Peppermill-theyve screwed us 2 years in a row and I'm telling everyone!!! I do have to say working for the state is not all bad since I officially start my four day weekend...Now. :)

..oh i wish i were an Oscar Mayer Weiner, and other stories..
pushing daisies
Happy Bastille Day! Today the French celebrate the event that sparked the French revolution. In honor of our Francophone friends, what is your favorite French thing? Bonus points for answers en français.

je'taime french fries. lol.

in other food news, Oscar G. Mayer Jr., the man behind the eponymous named bologna, passed away earlier this week at age 95. Mayer was chairman of the meat products company that bears his name (and the names of his father, Oscar G. Mayer Sr., and grandfather, Oscar F. Mayer, who cofounded the company) and worked there for more than 40 years before retiring in the late 1970s. And of course, even after his retirement, he continued to be associated with meat products -- and the Wienermobile.

Now, in the wake of the former chairman's death, PETA is asking the company to "bury the Wienermobile along with Mr. Mayer." In a letter to Oscar Mayer company president Nick Meriggioli, PETA executive vice president Tracy Reiman offers her condolences before saying that "laying someone to rest can be an occasion to examine a life as well as an opportunity to send a positive message.

"The Wienermobile travels around the country and entices children to try Oscar Mayer meats that can set them on the road to developing life-threatening illnesses," Reiman continues, citing a Harvard study linking children's consumption of cured meat products to increased risk of developing leukemia.

Reiman goes on to discuss, in detail, the suffering pigs experience in slaughterhouses, and concludes the letter by suggesting the Oscar Mayer company "perhaps go a step further" by launching a line of vegetarian products.

let the wild rumpus begin!
pushing daisies
so ive been avidly following this seemingly disaster of a movie, hearing about how it wasn't coming out, seeing teaser photos of who knows what, hearing they had no funding...and now i am happy as a clam! i cant friggin wait! There are a lot of great names tied to it, and it looks like a semi-Neverending Story type wonderfulness. Yay!


I fucked a mermaid!
pushing daisies
So I am about to take a super nap and then wake up, pound a red bull and go to work. I don't know why, but I somehow stumbled across some of these chuck norris things. I want to be able to open this, look at them, and laugh my ass off anytime I feel blue. That and the 'I'm on a Boat' video.

chuck norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.chuck norris killed two rocks with one bird.
chuck norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
chuck norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks
chuck norris knows exactly where carmen sandiego is.
chuck norris can drive a stick shift with one foot.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
water boils faster when chuck norris watches it.
a rattlesnake once bit chuck norris and died.
if you have five dollars and chuck norris has one, chuck norris still has more money than you.
if chuck norris ran for president, there would be no need to vote. he would automatically win.
chuck norris can eat soup with a fork.
chuck norris can make onions cry.
chuck norris ordered a big mac at burger king, and got one.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

top ten
pushing daisies
ganked from [info]moonmaiden34

1. Compose a list of your top ten sexiest famous men.
2. Collect one picture of each guy on your list.
3. Post them in your journal/blog.

i searched high and low, far and wide, for Samoas.
pushing daisies
i hate when they change the name of the girl scout cookies. they're fucking Samoas, not Caramel Delights! and that reminds me of the time i was a girl scout, and i went around my grandma's neighborhood trying to sell them. and this scary old man with a scary dog answered one of the doors and bought two boxes of cookies and i thought the dog might eat me. I am pretty sure now that it was Desire's Grandpa and Junior, who when I met them again, were the most harmless creatures on earth to me. Funny how things trigger memories.

check out bust magazines boobtique!
pushing daisies
This cracks me up. I may buy some.


Why fake the flattery when you can say it in stitches. Notecards for your nearest, your dearest, and your less-than-beloved. Includes 4 of each style: Go Fuck Yourself, Irony Is Not Dead, Love Stinks, Bite Me, and Happy Fucking Birthday. Includes 20 5-1/4 x 6-3/8 in slipcase with Velcro closure, 20 blank folded cards and 20 envelopes, from Subversive Cross stitch.

And take notice to the ' I feel a Sin Coming on' Notcards!

I love it.

..im sorry, you can't beat 25 bucks an hour..
pushing daisies
so you know that commercial where a grim reaper drives to work and is revealed as a cigarette girl in the skimpy outfit? that's me on weekends, minus the skimpy outfit. I thought this background was fitting.

..you tear and tear your hair from roots..
pushing daisies
today, by accident, i find out what my mother is diagnosed with:
severe schizophrenia
PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)
and trichotillia, some ocd-related illness where you tear out your hair until it is bald in patches or completely. some people also feel compelled to eat the hair. i don't know if she is one of them.

AAA is my hero.
pushing daisies
some evil fuck slashed my brand new tire last night when i was working.


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