..bright with despair..

I held a fallen star and it wept for me, dying.

..scandalous..
pushing daisies
kolumbia
I have been extremely scandalous as of late. I have been bad before, but I am shocked at myself. My life is extremely weird in the way that every goal I ever had is sort of on the back burner. I am learning to relax..slow down..take time for myself...be by myself...All that said, I'm doing really great!

..An exciting new summer look..
new legs, bambi
kolumbia
What is up with seeing awesome cars at the local library? Today I saw a Wild Things Van, complete with Wild Rumpus side doors and King Max on the hood...It must have belonged to incredibly awesome readers. I promptly took pics with my phone but am too lazy to post them yet. We saw Iron Man 2 over the weekend, only intensifying my love of RDJ. In order to spice things up and get ready for bathing suit season, I had Donovan do a complete Brazilian wax on me today, it was the worst pain of my life. Honestly, I cant see childbirth being that bad, or getting hit by a semi. Worst pain ever. And in some sick way, worth it. Donovan loved it because he is very methodical and also because he thought it was amazing to be legally able to cause me such pain at my request. He could really care less about the outcome, which is hilarious since no one else sees that area or needs to be impressed by it. I would recommend being given heavy (and I mean heavy) drugs upon ever trying it if you happen to be an idiot like myself. In other news, the last class of the semester was last night, and I am excited to take the summer off. I have my little sisters high school graduation coming up, a trip to Reno, a trip to Tahoe and a trip to Florida as well as a wedding in the Bay to attend all over the course of a few months. Also, hopefully my cousin and his kids will come down for a while and I can spoil them and eat off their little faces with kisses. (The kids, not my cousin, ew). Van and I and the fam also recently bought bicycles and we have been taking rides, which sounds really lame but is totally fun and peaceful and a workout at once. As much as I love winter and its dark, rainy, snugglytime, I am ready for a change. All in all, I am super amped and I plan on lots of fun in the sun and good times!

..music saves lives..
nightman cometh
kolumbia
I cannot sleep...I don't remember when the last time I had a good nights sleep was. Ugh...and I'm aching as if I were sleeping on a hotel bed or some unknown bed. I'll run around all day, exercise, eat right, read books, drink tea, milk..whatever is supposed to help with these things-Nothing. I feel exhausted, but I still cant just go-and if I do, its not deep. All day I feel hazy. I'm about to take drastic measures and reach for the Tylenol PM or Ambien or some such shit. I need a magic spell cast upon me. I read a book- 'Of Bees and Mist' by Erick Setaiwan- that was so incredibly good and beautiful and wondrous. Highly recommended. But still, no sleep. I wish I were a cat.

..god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you..
pushing daisies
kolumbia
i saw a car today at the library with a 'trogdor the burnanator' sticker on it and it made me smile. i hate furlough days...and yet i love them. no work tonight either..bored and restless....i have been addicted to two shows id never seen before of hulu, pushing daisies and its always sunny in philadelphia. i have new lj icons celebrating my love for them both. i have watched all i can watch for free and must wait for my orders of seasons to ship..sigh. im horribly worried about the new business starting up...feel like im getting an ulcer but ive felt that way before. school is getting more and more stressful, although taking classes with van is fun and thought provoking. i think i am in a funk. bleh.

..happy new year..
pushing daisies
kolumbia
Happy New Year LJ! I had a very happy holiday and enjoyed gorging myself on food and sweets (and the promptly working out an hour over my scheduled time.) I am extremely proud to say, after being a smoker for six years, I stuck to my new years resolution and quit. I have been off the stuff for a week now, trying to keep my mind off of it, staying extremely busy, and i have one whole pack left somewhere that taunts me when i start to really get cravings. The other day, something upset me, i ran to grab one when no one was home, and i lit up. i was surprised at how nasty my mouth tasted and how i began to suddenly feel sick and it was not gratifying in the least. Oddly, I still have the cravings but I dont give in anymore. We'll see how it goes, keep your fingers crossed for me. Its definitely odd to spend hours working out and buying healthy foods and vitamins when belonging to the future cancer association. Donovan attempted to quit with me and miserably failed-or didnt begin to try. Either way, I know he's gotta do it himself on his own or else it'll never stick. I am really done. I should have never done it in the first place! Anyhoo, I want to slow down this year, enjoy the moments im in rather than being anxious about what my next move is. I don't listen, and I'm going to try really hard to fix that too. I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my credit, which collapsed completely after my seperation a few years ago. Ive been saving a ton as well and putting into retirement funds. Everything is going fairly well, I am excited for 2010. Ive been reading a lot lately, too, which has helped me feel thoughroughly me. I am making raviolis with chicken and brocolli bits, maybe my sense of taste will start to sharpen up too! woot!

xmas
pushing daisies
kolumbia



..she works hard for the money, so hard for it honey..
pushing daisies
kolumbia
According to my Administrative Professional school book, I am the definition of a workaholic. Is it bad that my boyfriend is my best friend, and I only really converse with family or co-workers? Or that I pick up any extra shifts I can to stockpile house money? Or am I having trouble balancing work and home? I feel bad...but should I? .....

Hello, LJ!
pushing daisies
kolumbia
Wow..it has been almost 2 months since I have logged on...not much new happening, but busy with life I guess. Van was gone for a week at SEMA, a big car thing in Vegas for work. I should have gone, but didn't-and instead got rear ended in the Fiero while driving my sister to lunch one Saturday. I don't know how someone can NOT see you when you're stopped at a light, but apparently the dumb broad who hit me knows how. Not that I'm too upset-her insurance took full responsibility as it should be, and now I'm getting a new bumper and some killer pain pills for my neck! I have been working my two jobs as usual, my 1 year state anniversary is coming up and a cool Xmas party for our branch. I decided that this year I don't want to give or get presents, instead I am baking something scrumptious for each and any event I go to. Times are too tough, and I am extremely fortunate to have a job, let alone two. I am quickly advancing upon the completion of my certificate in Office Technology, which is to say that online classes are easy! Van and I are going to take a few small business classes and start looking for loans and rental spaces to jump start his business before he goes insane at his job, so were excited for that. I cant wait for pumpkin pie and turkey!! My holiday season usually goes one of two ways, depressing beyond all belief or snuggly and christmas-spirity.. I'm not feeling particularly one way or the other yet. We shall see...

top 11 lists
pushing daisies
kolumbia
hilarious.

http://www.11points.com/Misc/11_Unbelievably_Insensitive_(and_Often_Racist)_Holiday_Advertisements

..Bday fun..
pushing daisies
kolumbia
I... had... the time of my life, and I owe it all to you!

I got numerous mail, text, email, facebook and myspace bday wishes that really surprised me and kick-started a great day. It really melted my heart and I have been almost in tears all day with happiness or laughter. My sister and Dad called to respectively sing me made up versions of the birthday song, which made me smile. I soaked and scrubbed my feet, took a nap, and read part of a good book. Van took me out to dinner and Coldstone Cremery. He bought me Sherries Berries and apple slices in a mug that says "I love you Berry much!", his mom got me a beautifully ornate cherry picture frame, and the ladies at work got me a cute lady bug pin actually pinned onto a new office plant leaf. I don't know why this particular birthday seems to be centered around fatteningly delicious treats, but the majority or my day has been spent ingesting sugar. (Not that I can really complain about that.) For sustenance tomorrow, I have half of a pineapple upside down cake, two thirds of my cookie dough Coldstone cake, my chocolate covered apple slices, and all of my berries (which are almost obscenely covered with caramel, sugary flakes, and white chocolate, dark chocolate, and chip-variety chocolate.)

Next week is my cousin's daughters 3rd Birthday and he is throwing us a little combo bash for my moms side of the fam for our birthdays. My auntie is driving me, Van, Erika and my grandmother to Walnut Creek to his house or the park or something where the kids can run around. Would it be wrong to bring my leftovers there so I don't eat them all? Hehe. Also, my other cousin gets to come, which is a rarity because he has been in a program of sorts and we usually have to go see him, but he is doing extremely well. Very exciting stuff. I'm stretching out the birthday fun all weekend!

OK, that's a lie, I'm taking a break tomorrow by working on my car, my final for my Database Access class, and going to work tomorrow night. But that's just small details..

We rented Sunshine Cleaning (and by that I mean I watched it while Van read an airplane magazine for a minute and then began to snore softly next to me), which was great in a depressing yet realistic way. It reminded me of myself with a lot of things: how I used to clean houses, the sister bond, a messed up mommy situation, bad men situation, money issues..i cold go on. Lets face it, this movie was made ABOUT me. Except she has a kid, and cleans up crime scenes, and its totally different from me. lol. Anyhow, 2 thumbs up but not a laugh riot by any means.

Yay for birthdays and yay for loving, caring people. :)

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